- Goodwill’s free income tax sites open Jan. 30
- Rock Valley College hosts FAFSA Completion Night Feb. 4
- Stateline Fruit and Vegetable Growers Conference Feb. 5
- Cardiology Millennium Conference Feb. 2
- Scammers lurking to trap last-minute Super Bowl ticket buyers
- Sharing memories of Ernie Banks
- EarthTalk: What fish can we eat?
- Rock Valley College hosts entrepreneurship event Jan. 30
- Tube Talk: ‘The Americans’ begins third season
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A Lighter View … The perfect gift
A Lighter View … The perfect gift
By Karen M. Morris, Humorist
Christmas is the worlds biggest birthday party and this year, I treated it like I was dead last in a marathon with the clock ticking. Fortunately, God has a sense of humor, and this Christmas, He shared a little of it with me.
Id spent the entire year looking for the perfect gift. In January, I started taking notes on what people said. Wayne said he wanted a Powermatic planner. And, for the next three months, I searched for that exact model. Twelve stores later, I found the Powermatic at Handyman Depot and bought it. Then I hid it in a secret room that only I knew aboutthe laundry room.
In April, Wayne changed his mind and began drooling over a drill press. The Powermatic was too heavy to hoist out of the basement, so I kept it and used the box to set stuff on. By December, Wayne had lusted after a reciprocating saw, an air compressor, a drill press and a plunge router. I now owned enough tools to open up my own Handyman Depot and Wayne was dreaming of a boat.
The week before Christmas, I was desperate and bought Wayne whatever I could get delivered by the 25th. It turned out to be a wireless mouse, which was a good thing. I might have strangled him with the cord, otherwise. When the mouse arrived, I hurled it under the tree unwrapped. One of the cats must have claimed it, because we never saw the mouse again.
I started the Christmas season off by complaining it had snuck up on me. I even began asking people if Christmas had come early this year. Why I was caught off guard was a mystery. I owned a calendar and Christmas was clearly marked on Dec. 25exactly 365 days from the last Christmas that had snuck up on me. I panicked and started bakinga practice handed down by my ancestors who didnt own calendars.
After baking for weeks, I assembled 10 trays of cookies and candy to give to our friends. My refrigerator couldnt hold all the trays, so I set them outside on the deck where theyd stay cool. The next day, I discovered the plastic wrap on every tray had been nibbled through and all the pecan bars were missing. The chipmunk that Id thought was so cute when he stole food out of Waynes bird feeders had raided my trays. Worse yet, was seeing all my other cookies strewn aroundrejected by a rodent. It made me wonder what our friends did when they got their trays.
Now every year, we set aside a day and devote it to setting up the tree and decorating. With our used equipment, we needed a whole day. Wayne hauled out the artificial Shasta. It had lost most of its needles and looked anorexic. So we put a spotlight on it to give people a clue where it was. None of the twinkle lights were functioning and the ornaments were all stuck together like a lab model of DNA. Exhausted from all of my baking, I took a nap during the stringing of the tinsel. When Wayne wrote our annual Christmas letter, he asked me to help him remember some of our more exciting adventures during the last year. All I could think of was, we fixed the oil leak in the car and our 20-year-old TV had lost its ability to reproduce the color blue. I suggested we e-mail a card to everyone on our buddy list. With one click, all of our friends (including some strangers named Blenderhead and Tingletoes) would know just how much we cared. Didnt Wayne realize it was Christmas and we didnt have time to get personal?
As we celebrated Christmas this year, everyone was jabbering and ripping open their packages. But not me. I collapsed on the couch like a drama queen. I definitely needed an attitude adjustment. And thats when God showed me His sense of humor.
I noticed the Christmas tree was leaning at a 90-degree angleit was imperfect, just like me. But God still thought I was precious. My cooking was so atrocious that even a starving member of the rat family refused it. Yet, God saw me as a fixer-upper with heavenly possibilities. And the gifts were all wrong. But it didnt matter because my family already possessed the greatest gift of all. Today was Christs birthday.
Christmas is about the perfect gift and sharing it with others. Its about getting personal with those you love. I looked at my children as they tossed wrapping paper at each others heads and my husband as he shook the empty wireless mouse box. And I laughed. Tomorrow may be another day, but the joy lasts forever.