Christmas tree of creation

Christmas tree of creation

By Rod Myers, Naturalist

On Dec. 2, First Lady Laura Bush took delivery of the White House Christmas tree. The tree is an 18-foot Nobile fir cut near Elma, Wash., which is 20 miles from Grays Harbor and the Pacific Ocean, 40 miles south of Olympic National Park.

Later, the tree was decorated with replicas of 400 Americana birds. The theme of this year’s White House observance is “All Creatures Great and Small.” It features the pets of presidents from Washington to the current George W.

Laura told reporters that American families are entertained and comforted by animals either in nature or in homes. She went on to talk about her pets being a “great source of comfort” since 9/11.

Nearly every available inch of the Nobile fir which adorned the oval Blue Room is covered with birds made by artists from each of the 50 states. The tree decoration symbolizes Laura Bush’s love for nature and birdwatching.

At the lighting ceremony on Dec. 5, Laura proclaimed, “Really, what this Christmas symbolizes… is really the majesty of creation.”

But really now, is Laura clueless to what her husband is doing to the environment? What kind of environmental pillow talk are she and her husband, Big W, having at night? Well, here’s my version of what gets said. Warning: This is a parody.

Laura Bush: George, now that you’re the leader of the Christian Coalition, why are your environmental policies so harsh on God’s creation?

George W.: For God’s sake, Laura, how can you criticize me? You’re a woman. What do you know about creation!

Laura: Bill Clinton’s policies were environmentally friendly, and yet the economy did very well during his administration, so maybe that job vs. the environment attitude that you have in your policies is against God’s real will and, therefore, wrong and counterproductive.

George W.: I know God’s will! He talks to me in the War on the Environment Room! Love the Creator, not the creation!

Laura; You should have love and respect for both. You are the most powerful man on earth, George W., and that makes you the captain of the current Noah’s Ark. Many, though, think you should be thrown off the ship. Furthermore, you’ve put a hold on the Endangered Species Act, citing that raising the number would slow development, affect property rights and eliminate thousands of jobs due to restrictions. But many species’ very existence depends on being added to the protected list. Furthermore, George W. Bush, you want to take all plants off the endangered list. That would spell doom for hundreds of plant species.

Do you have any idea how important the Endangered Species Act is, and how important it is to us humans? Take, for example, the bald eagle, which the Endangered Species Act saved from extinction. Scientists examined and concluded that DDT and other harmful pesticides were killing the eagles, sot the chemicals were banned from use. But we ate the food the poisons were dumped on, so we were also saving ourselves when we saved the bald eagle.

George W.: Let me quote my father, George Bush, from a talk he gave at a rally in late October 1992 during his re-election campaign. “If you don’t elect me, the Democrats will make sure that each and every one of us will be up to our necks in spotted owls.” Now whoooooo can argue with that?

Laura Bush: Please, God, help my husband; fill his heart with the joy and wisdom and needs of your creation.

Enjoy The Rock River Times? Help spread the word!