Relocated–Clinton staff get new jobs

Relocated–Clinton staff get new jobs

By Ed Henry


Clinton staff get new jobs

Investigative reporters for the People’s Open Opposition Party (POOP) have found that many of the former Clinton White House staff have found new jobs with the Firestone Tire Company.

In true Democratic practice, these people have brought new policies to Firestone’s recent problem with faulty tires. No longer will recalls and replacement be carried out on a one-for-one basis. Wealthy people who might have several vehicles in their stable and be unfortunate enough to have these dangerous tires will not be given any replacements at all. They can afford to buy their own new tires.

On the other hand, poor people with only one car or no car at all with these tires will be given several sets of four replacement tires. Automotive manufacturers are encouraged to look on this as an opportunity. People will now have good reason to buy new cars and trucks to go along with the extra sets of tires they receive. New car sales will stimulate the economy. General Motors and The Ford Motor Company will offer cars at discount to those who mount their own tires.

Meanwhile, Al Gore is opening a chain of laundromats known as “Washing-Tons.” His uncle has been operating the first one in Tennessee for about a month now and reports 24-hour business. Still, some of the neighbors and customers are wondering why so many men seem to carry their dirty clothes in briefcases and gather around the sorting/folding tables arguing about small bundles.

You are also advised to bring your own quarters to the Washing-Tons laundromats. It seems that the change machines have been programmed to return only four pennies for each dollar inserted. Mr. Gore explains this as part of his policy to “save Social Security.”

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