Writer's Garret: Bad Men, Bad Dogs by Lori Fitzgerald

Writer’s Garret is pleased to feature short fiction by Lori Fitzgerald, a local writer. Lori Fitzgerald is blonde, like Britney Spears, but somewhat older, and has never been linked romantically to either Justin Timberlake or Madonna. This piece was written during “A River Runs Through Us” writers’ conference.

Bad Men, Bad Dogs

By Lori Fitzgerald

Is it my imagination, or do women who are attracted to bad men also end up with bad dogs? This thought occurred to me as I struggled to put on my compression tights—the only downside of vascular surgery. Compression tights are made out of a sadistic cousin of Lycra and are both tricky and painful to get on. There I was, sprawled on the couch when my puppy appeared out of nowhere and did what dogs do.

“Bad dog! Off!”

My first husband was an orphan. I felt sorry for him. Zelda was an abused Lab I got from an ad in the paper. They had the same sad eyes, but were both too emotionally damaged to respond to love.

My second husband brought home a sheltie that ran away at any given opportunity. He ran off, leaving me with two small children.

My third husband was a big guy. His ex-wife gave us a German shepherd puppy as a WEDDING PRESENT! It grew up to be a big, dumb dog. Consider the source. The only trick my husband, who claimed to be a professional dog trainer in his spare time, taught the dog was to run in circles around a tree so that no grass would ever grow there. For some reason, both of them thought I would be impressed with this.

Back when I was in college, I did have a wonderful dog. His name was Pancho, and he was smart, loyal, loving, and spoke Spanish—an excellent companion. Unfortunately, he began to chase cars, and the inevitable happened. I came home from class to find him dead in the road.

Will I ever find a wonderful man? A Spanish speaker? Will I come home one day only to find him dead in the road? Are there men who chase cars? Of course there are. My second husband, the used car dealer, employed one. A Repo Man.

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