By Doug Halberstadt
By now, we’ve all heard about Tiger Woods’ unfortunate single-car accident last Friday morning (Nov. 27) at 2:25 a.m. The good news is Woods is not seriously injured, and he will be OK.
Everyone wants to know why he was leaving his home at that hour of the morning and where he was going. I don’t know the real answer. I have come up with a few plausible—and some not-so-plausible—“alibis” if Woods decides not to reveal the whole truth.
Here are a few of my suggestions. Mr. Woods, if you happen to get a copy of this column, feel free to use any one, or all of them. You have my permission.
1. This is what time I get up every day for my paper route.
2. I was going to meet Phil, Sergio and Vijay for our post-Thanksgiving Day breakfast at 6 a.m. at the Waffle House, and the last one there has to buy.
3. Airport security insists I arrive two hours early for my 5 a.m. flight to __________ (Feel free to fill in the blank with any location of your own).
4. I wanted to get in line for some Black Friday shopping at Toys “R” Us.
5. My wife Elin is pregnant again, and she had a middle-of-the-night craving for some double Dutch chocolate fudge ice cream and dill pickles and, of course, we were out of both.
6. I couldn’t sleep, so I made myself a left-over turkey sandwich and realized there was no Miracle Whip in the house. I was on my way to the White Hen to get some.
7. I had a special reserved ticket to the 2:45 a.m. showing of New Moon at the local Cineplex.
8. I woke up from a nightmare and realized I had less than a million dollars cash on me for the weekend. I kind of panicked; I had to get to an all-night ATM immediately and get some more money.
9. I always volunteer for the 3 a.m. to 5 a.m. bell ringing time slot at my favorite Wal-Mart on Black Friday.
10. I had to run to the 24-hour Blockbuster location because they called and said my reserved copy of Happy Gilmore was finally in.
Whatever Tiger was up to is really no one’s business but his. He didn’t hurt anyone, and accidents do happen. The one thing I’m really curious about, though, is it was reported he was driving his Cadillac SUV when the accident occurred. Based on his television commercials, I was always under the impression Tiger was supposed to be a Buick man. That does make me question his credibility in all of this.
Doug Halberstadt can be reached via e-mail at Dougster61@aol.com.
From the December 2-8, 2009 issue