- Man pleads guilty but mentally ill in 2013 murder
- Telephone, computer network outages at 22 Rockford schools
- Byron native selected as Sailor of the Year for Navy Band Southwest
- Illinois Tollway awards $337 million in contracts, sets budget
- 44 earn bachelor’s degrees at Saint Anthony College of Nursing
- Goodwill opens Donation Express site on Perryville
- Rock Valley College to manage TechWorks program
- University of Illinois at Chicago names chancellor
- Salvation Army to distribute food, toys to nearly 2,000 families
- American Manufacturing Competitiveness Act signed into law
One of the better Tiger Woods e-mail forwards
By Doug Halberstadt
Since Tiger’s mishap back in November, there have been a ton of jokes made about him and that event. This past weekend, I think I found one of the best ones of all in my e-mail. I had to share…
A man goes out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it, and is about to shoot when he hears, “Ribbit 9 iron.”
The man looks around, and doesn’t see anyone.
Again, he hears, “Ribbit 9 iron.”
He looks at the frog, and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.
Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked.
He says to the frog, “Wow, that’s amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?”
The frog replies, “Ribbit lucky frog.”
The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.
“What do you think, frog?” the man asks.
“Ribbit 3 wood.”
The guy takes out a 3 wood and… boom! Hole in one.
The man is befuddled, and doesn’t know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life, and asks the frog, “OK, where to next?”
The frog replies, “Ribbit Las Vegas.”
They go to Las Vegas, and the guy says, “OK, frog, now what?”
The frog says, “Ribbit roulette.”
Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, “What do you think I should bet?” The frog replies, “Ribbit $3,000, black 6.”
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures, “What the heck?”
Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, “Frog, I don’t know how to repay you, you’ve won me all this money, and I am forever grateful.”
The frog replies, “Ribbit, kiss me.”
He figures “Why not?”, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous girl.
“And that is how the girl ended up in my room, Elin. So help me God, or my name is not Tiger Woods.”
Doug Halberstadt can be reached via e-mail at Dougster61@aol.com.
From the Jan. 20-26, 2010 issue