By Doug Halberstadt
Even though all of the snow has not melted yet, the calendar and my e-mail box are telling me that spring is supposedly right around the corner. I’m starting to get promotional offers for all kinds of golf-related products and services.
One of them particularly caught my eye. The subject line said “Ultimate Golf Socks.” OK, I have to admit, I immediately envisioned a pair of socks with some really awesome golf course artwork on them or something similar. I couldn’t have been more incorrect. These socks were made out of some new scientifically woven fabric. These things were made to sound like the greatest invention since the golf ball itself.
The ad promised: “Jox Sox are the best Golf Socks you will ever wear. Their Advanced AirFlow Technology keeps you cooler. The Moisture Management System keeps you drier and helps to reduce odor. The Padded Bottoms cushion your feet, reducing fatigue. The No Slip Top stays up better. A Smooth Toe Seam eliminates irritation.” I think the only thing they didn’t promise is you’d be able to walk on water while you were wearing them. Here’s the catch: they are only sold in two packs and retail for $16, plus $4.95 shipping and handling.
OK, I’ve played hundreds, if not thousands, of rounds of golf, and not once have I ever had foot irritation or other personal issues on the golf course because of the socks I put on that morning. My feet are the least of my problems when I’m out on the links collecting double and triple bogeys.
I fully realize golfers as a group are a pretty gullible bunch, and most of us are usually more than willing to part with some of our greenbacks for any product that promises to help us out on the greens. But this product may have overstepped the boundaries of believability.
It takes a ton of nerve for a company to market a pair of white, low-cut “footie”-style socks as a necessary addition to your game. If, by some odd chance, you do think there might be some merit to this whole sock idea, please allow me to save you a few bucks.
You can pick up a six-pack of these white cotton socks at any local shoe store, Target, Wal-Mart, Kohl’s, Dollar General, etc., at a fraction of the Jox Sox price, and you won’t have to pay the $4.95 shipping fee to have them arrive in your mail.
No need to thank me. Just promise me you’ll use the money you save to help offset the cost of your new shovel-headed, titanium-faced, carbon fiber, flexographic, ultra-light, harmonically balanced, laser-guided driver.
From the March 20-26, 2013, issue