Ho ho ho — Sports Christmas gifts for all
By Doug Halberstadt
The holidays are upon us, and since it is the gift-giving season, I’ve decided to come up with a few special presents I like to hand out to certain individuals and teams in the world of sports.
Let’s begin with a few of the more obvious ones. For Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler, I give you a pair of “P” gifts. A fully-functioning pancreas (he’s a type 1 diabetic) and to go along with your new pancreas, let’s throw in a fully functioning personality as well.
For Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, I hope you enjoy your new Gillette Triple Blade Razor I picked out especially for you. I suggest you do a “discount double check” in the mirror and shave off that ridiculous-looking mustache you’ve been wearing the past couple of months.
Here’s an all-expenses paid trip for two to Honolulu, Hawaii, for this year’s NFL Pro Bowl. Merry Christmas, Chicago wide receivers Alshon Jeffery and Brandon Marshall. The two of you not only deserve it, you’ve earned it.
For a couple of friends on the Chicago Bulls. Joakim Noah, I’ve wrapped up a gift card to Sport Clips for you. Do something with that hair! For Derrick Rose, I wish there was such a thing as a new right knee, but since that isn’t the case, here’s a pair of new dress shoes. I don’t think you’ll be needing those Adidas much longer.
The entire Chicago Blackhawks team gets an extra-large combination jar of silver polish and jewelry cleaner. I think you’ll need it handy to keep the Stanley Cup and your collection of championship rings looking spiffy.
For all of my friends, family and the millions of other Cubs fans around the globe, I wish I could put a World Series title in a nicely-wrapped box. Instead, I guess we’ll have to be satisfied with the new Jumbotron that is supposed to be in place this upcoming season.
Closer to home, I’d like to give the IceHogs, Aviators, Rams, Ravens and Rockford Speedway stands full of cheering fans. The effort put forth by these organizations to provide our area with quality sports entertainment is phenomenal and deserves to be supported.
To our area high school and youth athletes, your gift won’t be under the tree this year. It’ll come somewhere down the road, probably when you least expect it. One day, you’ll be able to look back on the memories and friends you’ve made by being a part of a team. That’s a gift that will last a lifetime.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!
Doug Halberstadt can be reached via e-mail at Dougster61@aol.com.
From the Dec. 25-31, 2013, issue